I Pray This Finds You Whole

Hey loved ones!

I woke up the other morning and serenaded myself  in the mirror while Teddy’s You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration floated from my speaker through the air. The atmosphere was filled with a notion that I’ve come to accept as my truth. It being, my “best self” includes all parts of me. It does not exclude my insecurities, it concedes them. My wholeness does not hinge on the illusion of perfection or purity. My “best self” is my whole self. 

To this sentiment, I wrote a poem…

Poem:  

I see your contradictions, still i love you 

Incongruencies that once insisted change, now initiate acceptance

A new bridge relieving the pain of only wanting to be a figment of my imagination 

There is more room 

Room to be the dream and the dreamer 

The holder of great possibilities in pursuit

I can be a beautiful chaos

Everything and no thing

A concoction of who i am and will be 

A contrast to all that i am not

No less me than she

Radical acceptance 

As i move closer to the ideation 

A complex combination of artfully contradicting nuances

Pressure and grace

A delicate dance 

I can mourn the shedding of self while celebrating the liberation of being born again

I can be brought to tears of anguish that release me into unspeakable joy

I can witness my passions transform 

Fears peak and dissipate through experience

Desires lay claim on my heart

Mistakes fade into forgiveness 

I can witness my seen and unseen

For my shadows are safe with me

                   xxx 

Insecurity can make us feel broken. It can make us feel like we lack the secret sauce needed to be the person we always dreamed to be. When we come face to face with our contradictions, we point the finger at the parts of ourselves that don't quite add up. These are the parts we want to do away with.The threat of insecurity then fuels an incessant striving towards the “best version” of ourselves which counterproductively feeds the unconscious limiting belief of not being enough. So in our futile attempts to be enough, we reinforce our belief of lack. It almost feels like a vicious cycle, but what if we viewed insecurity differently? What if insecurity is an inherent truth of the human experience? What if it’s necessary to fuel our faith in something bigger than us? What if it’s necessary to help us release the attachment to the fallacy of control? What if it’s the very thing that makes us human, imperfectly perfect? 

Insecurities live between the ideation of self and physical manifestation of self. This intersection where insecurity resides is a breach of egoic identity. That breach makes us human. It pushes us off the pedestal of perfect and into the “seat of the soul” (by the way, there’s a book titled that). The part of ourselves that can dream up anything is in direct connection to God; the part of ourselves that experiences limitation is the reality of our humanness. The gap is the bridge. It can push us forward in a way that helps us understand that this is a co-creative experience. So, our insecurities are not shelters for shame, they are the gateways to God. You are not broken my love. 

I pray this finds you whole.

- P.S. Voel